Part 8: The Living Dead

Posted: Thursday, May 29th, 2014
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About Letters Never Sent Series

A collection of never-sent, personal responses to real people in Martha's life, profound events and little encounters alike.

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(I will call this person TAMI.)

I have had such strange thoughts. I have been thinking about the eulogy that could be spoken over your burial.  YOU are quite alive. I think perhaps it is I who have died and must conduct a funeral. A hope has perished . . .

I am thinking of the measure of your life and what you would leave as a legacy, if you were to die now. Could I stand at your funeral to speak in remembrance of your life and say the truth. The real, ugly truth? The raw, wrenching reality?

OH my! this would be my letter to you and the eulogy of your life:

“Her husband loved TAMI, her children loved TAMI. I loved TAMI over many years but we were all no match for TAMI. For TAMI loved TAMI more than any of us and to the exclusion OF us.”

But it’s not about us.  TAMI, It’s about YOUR love.

YOU failed to love Christ who has been so long-suffering and gracious to YOU, ever extending His hand and mercy. Ever sending YOU messengers of His love. But YOU simply didn’t love Christ – WOULDN’T love Him. YOU loved YOU above all, and in the end . . . only YOU.

“You could preach a sermon about TAMI’s love but it would read this way: TAMI served TAMI, worshiped TAMI, gave TAMI everything desired, stole for TAMI, lied for TAMI . . . Sold her soul to the devil . . . for TAMI.”

Everything was about YOU and for YOU. Every blessing was YOUR property even if it belonged to someone else. Every gifting, YOUR right. Every wish, an angry demand. YOU are fascinated only with YOURself.  YOUR life really WAS a story of love. Love turned inward not outward. Love turned ugly not beautiful. Love consuming, devouring, lusting only for . . . itself.

Always – everything for YOUR exalted self.

In the “name of Christ,” YOU stood for YOURself. For the “sake of Christ,” YOU exalted YOUR “self” above Him. YOU used Him, shamed Him and then cursed Him because YOU couldn’t manipulate him to worship . . . YOU.

As a result YOUR life cannot stand as a beacon for Christ to anyone or as a fruit left for eternity. I do not know of a human who has benefited spiritually by YOUR presence in this world. No person YOU touched went away intact. They left without some part of themselves that YOU had stolen . . . for YOURself. Those deceived by YOU were robbed – robbed of their integrity, by being tricked to believe a lie about YOU.

So to have any merit at all, YOUR life will have to stand only as a warning. A solemn warning to all of us, that we live and think before an All-knowing God. And all that we are will eventually be known.

There ARE NO SECRETS.
There are NO PRIVATE THOUGHTS.
There are NO HIDDEN MOTIVES.

“And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.”
Heb. 4:13

“If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth . . .”
I John 1:6

God searches minds and hearts and knows us.

As we learn from YOU, let us fall down in fear of God and “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” . . . asking that He destroy our own self-worship no matter what the cost!

And TAMI! You have shamelessly spat on my Beloved and wiped your feet on His humble grace. For Him I wail.

Here is the graveside service:

I accept your unending choice of yourself as god, and your preference for death over Life. I fight you no more. That is the death and burial of our relationship. I forgive you with all my sore inflamed heart. That is the cover over your offenses and thefts against me.

I stand with your Rejected Savior and remit your heinous sins against Him. I proclaim that your sins are under the blood of the Lamb. That is the burial of your guilt.

May there be a true death and burial of the self who is your god, and a glorious resurrection – someday – in your heart . . . 

Copyright © 2001 Martha Kilpatrick, Letters Never Sent

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